Episode 8 Recap and Scores

Guys and Gals, I almost made it posting this Tuesday, but I didn't have all the pics done, soooo yeah. FYI, I will not be recapping last night's "Sean Tells All!" special, as it was borrrring... even when the closing credits were just him in the shower. Seriously, ABC? The quotes about Tierra, however, were phenoms, though, so I might have to share my thoughts on that. We'll see..

Whatevs, let's get to what you're really here for... Scores are updated and the spreadsheet lives HERE.

And here is the new Top 5:

1. Jess H.
2. Aimee
3. Lisa J.
4. Andrea
5. Jes S.

We have a new number 1, Jess H! Remember, starting next week the girls will start earning their position points which are 250, 400, and 500 points, so if you have Catherine, Lindsay, or AshLee on your team, there's a chance for your team to make a comeback. Only 7 people have Catherine and 10 have Lindsay, so things should get interesting.

Speaking of things getting interesting... remember you get 100 POINTS TO WAGER IN WEEKLY ELIMNATIONS for the rest of the season! With 3 girls lefts your odds are pretty good. Elimination points and submissions will be used as tie breakers!

This week, a favorite and front runner from the start, Desiree, was eliminated at quite a dramatic rose ceremony, so those of you who chose Des in your elimnation picks earned your points.  No one else went home, so that's all I have to say about that...

Now, ON TO THE RECAP!

Ahhh hometowns... where the word awkward gets its definition, and Sean keeps his clothes on and his tongue in his mouth. Well, sort of, on that last one.

ASHLEE'S DATE 

AshLee starts out by telling us how she is SO excited to introduce Sean to her family.

Ok, let me stop here, and tell you a story about how my high school English teacher told me never to use SO as an adjective because it's actually an adverb, and that is not college level grammar. I mean, obviously, this isn't college, it's The Bachelor, but can ABC at least throw in a few 'very's every so often??? I meaaann based on this blog I really shouldn't talk, but you know.

So the first part of their date was seriously boring.  They sat in a field and talked... Which for AshLee this means talking about how she was adopted, abandoned, and broken.  But now she has FALLEN. INTO. LOVE. with Sean.  Which doesn't change the fact that she was adopted, but at least it's a new topic.

"But everytime I'm with Sean, all my worries and all those fears of being broken, everything subsides. And here I am about to introduce this man that I have FALLEN. INTO. LOVE. with to my family." - AshLee

Soooo you were adopted?

She continues on her abandonment issues being healed by Sean's love...

"Oh Em Gee, I never knew what love was! Like, Adopted Mom and Dad, this is the guy I want to marry as soon as possible... It's like SOOOO different than that time in High School when I married  that guy to get away from Debs and her dragonfly earrings and necklace." - AshLee


JKzzz, we all know that everything Ash says is so effing deep. Like chill, A-Dawg. This is The Bachelor, not therapy. We got it ... you're adopted. I mean even Sean knows you are about one more blindfolded plunge from going off the deep end...

"AshLee has been a front runner from the very beginning. Last week AshLee told me that she loved me, which makes today that much more intense, because I know how emotionally invested AshLee is in this." - Sean

I think the control freak baggage is def going to end up being too much for Seansie. Because of that my prediction is that Ash is not Sean's wife...

This will shut up the adoption talk

So then we meet the 'rents:

Deb

Pastor Bruce

And Dad asks what they've been up to and AshLee obviously starts describing the polar bear plunge as if Sean was baptizing her... but like, he didn't really wash away your abandonment.

AshLee tells them about St. Croix and mentions she'll need forgiveness for the romance... And Mama Debs shows us she's got the dagger eyes down to a T.  Which foster parents were the abusive ones, Ash?

What Kind of Romance?

I'ma give you a whoopin!

Sean goes for his one-on-ones with the 'rents. Here's how the convos went:

Debs: What are your intentions? Are you gonna break her heart.
Sean: No, but I will abandon and break her, cuz you guys need more material than this foster home shit.

Sean (while laughing): I'm afraid he's going to ask me if I love his daughter
Bruce: So are you in love with my daughter?
Sean: Contractually I can't say (real talk: no), so why'd you let your daughter get married at 17? Also, if I start feeling like I might wanna marry your daughter, like if the mood just strikes me... would you let her get married to me at 32?
Bruce: Sure, why not!

Then Bruce tells the story of meeting AshLee, which is exactly like when AshLee told it on her first date with Sean, and then shocker... Bruce AND AshLee cried.

Shocking: AshLee says she doesn't want to wait to get married.  You didn't wanna wait last time either.

AshLee: I love you
Sean: You're the best

I guess that's better than Thank You?

I can't even recap that magical pixie dust soliloquy, I literally might die from rolling my eyes too much.

Also, I hope you weren't drinking every time you heard the words 'broken' or 'abandoned' cuz you are def reading this from a hospital/rehab bed if so...

Skip to C-Dawg and her unmedicated ADHD running around Seattle.

CATHERINE'S DATE 

So Sean and Catherine meet in the super touristy Pike Place Market where everyone stares them down, because they're in front of cameras. I'm not sure if the beautiful piece staring Sean down realizes that this is The Bachelor and he already has 4 girlfriends or is just undressing him with her eyes.

Anyway, Catherine SURPRISES Sean by making him catch fish in the market.

Is it like catching a football?

And then OMG NO WAYYYY, Sean has a surprise... he makes Catherine catch a fish.

Then Catherine, immediately after catching fish, we hear Catherine say:

"I love the way he smells. I love his big beefy arrrrrmmmss. And I love the way he accepts me for who I am in every way"

Ew. He was just catching fish... and he's dating 3 other chicks.

Before going to dinner at Catherine's Mom's house, Sean and Cath, grab some lunch, and Catherine explains that when he meets her G-ma, he should Manong her, which means Sean should put her hand on his forehead.  G-Ma or Lola will just loooove it.

So Sean Manongs Lola.

And Lola doesn't really seem to give a shit.

How do my eyebrows look?

I was really hoping sassy old lady who makes people call her Lola cuz she refuses to admit she's old enough to be a grandma, and not just confused about why there was tall Aryan beefcake in her living room.

BUT since Lola did NOT get nearly enough screen time, I really couldn't say, but those brows just scream sassy.

Cut to Sean doing push-ups with Catherine on his back. Again. Ugh.

Lola steels the show again...

Catherine and her sisters have a little chat, and it basically sounds like Catherine went on the show on a bet to see how far she could make it and then she actually started to fall for the dude. Her sisters are all like 'WTF, how do we change this bitch's mind.'


"Personally, I’m just really surprised, because when you first went into I thought it was just really like 'haha that would be so much fun to do just to try' and now it's just completely switched to serious." - Other Sister

"I'm just confused as to why I had to continue to defend myself and my relationship with Sean." - Catherine.

Umm, Cathy, it's because you're on The Bachelor.

So then the sisters chat with Sean, and try to convince him not to pick her for a plethora of reasons, including the fact that she doesn't want kids right away, she wants support for her dreams, and she's, like, really messy.

Mom: This is an adventure. This is very unique. Will this work? I don't know. Don't lead her on.
Sean: Can I marry her, ya know, if the wind the blows north the day I ask?
Mom: This is an adventure. This is very unique. Will this work? I don't know. Don't lead her on.

Now let's go watch Sean do push-ups with Lindsay on his back.

Sean is SO strong

LINDSAY'S DATE 

OMG, you guys! Sean and Lindsay are SO excited to be in Lindsay's 'hometown.' GAG.

First and foremost, as we learned with Black Leslie on ep 2, mock turtlenecks are not look. The Army, like, totes needs a fashion make over, because, woof.

Then we learn that the base they're visiting is where Lindsay lived for 6 months after college.

Sean: So this is home?
Lindsay: ishhh

Lindsay keeps talking about the place like it's where she spent her entire childhood. I love when they walk by the bar she used to work at she says "oh I used to work here", like she forgot about it, cuz she probs worked there for like a week.

So naturally since Lindsay didn't really live there and the town is like 2 feet wide, she makes him do basic training moves. And by basic training moves, I mean it's a chance for ABC to show us how strong and manly Sean is, and it gives Lindsay a chance to smack Sean's ass and kiss him.

But seriously, ew... how does Linds kiss him wearing that turtleneck?

Drink every time Sean says the words 'two-star' or 'general'. Finish your drink if they're said together.

Two things, nice job getting a shot of the gun/sword rack in the background.

Who is Lindsay's 14 year-old brother that she never speaks of and got no camera time, but was obviously there? Sketch.

Obviously, her dad wasn't that intimidating after all the build-up. Her mom is SO excited to have a potential husband for her 24 year old daughter.

Mom: Are you falling in love with Lindsay? 
Sean: I'm not in a position to say that right now so here's some bullshit excuse.
Mom: I liked his answer because he's honest

What?

So then he talks to Daddy, and Dad's pretty tame.

Sean: Lindsay is sooooo sweet, but um, this isn't like the 3rd time I've said this this week or anything, but um you know if the temperature’s right, can I marry your daughter??
Dad: You want my blessing now? You know, I’m a paratrooper and I'm a general, so sure, I guess.

"Lindsay's Dad accepts me, which makes me more attracted to Lindsay. He even gave me real dog tags!!" - Sean

FYI, Lindsay dropped 'falling in love' 3 times tonight... and she made out with Sean in the driveway. Shocker.

And now on to what we've been waiting for and reading for... Desi's bro to holla at a bitch.

DESIREE'S DATE 

Since this hometown recap number 4, and we really want to just talk about Des's prank and brother, we're gonna fast forward through Sean and Des 'being ordinary' on hike...

This view is like SO beauitful

Just sub Des' name into the beginning of all the other recaps... She's SO excited blah blah blah. I mean, even ABC edited out most of the day for the evening portion.

So first of all, they're at Des' house, not her family's, because let's be serious, we all know they live in a tent out by LAX, gypsy style. Well, except for brother bear. He obviously spends more time living in correctional facilities or Compton, than the tent/trailer.

Second, this prank that Des played was so effing dumb. Like, Sean pretending to live at home and being messy and breaking obviously fake shitty art is way more of a prank than some ex-boyfriend. Also, Des being glad her boyfriend will start fights with her ex, is kind of awks. I mean I guess it was good that Sean finally has a stupid prank played on him - Karma's a bitch, but like, step up your game Des!

GOTCHA!

Enter Mama Roxanne, Papa Tony, and Jimmy "B-Rabbit" Smith, Jr. (government name: Nate).  With those names I was fully expecting something completely different than a hippie librarian and a dad who looks like he’s missing a pocket protector.

So then B-Rabbit Nate and Des sit down and Bro-Rabbit is def not approving. I mean leave it to the most ghetto and seemingly least educated guy to call everyone out on how fake this show is and how their relationship will not work out. Honestly, in my first serious moment ever in this blog, I will say that Nate is probably the most caring family member. He's keeping it real... just like the tat on his chest that circles his neck.

B: I'm thinking this isn't gonna work, this is stupid almost.

Then he says those magical words: 'Yo Sean you mind if I holla at you real fast.'

And they go outside and Nate calls Sean out, for dating three other chicks and he doesn't think he should marry Des.

Sean: I'm crazy about your sister.
B: You're crazy about a lot girls, right?

Sean: Does that put your mind at ease a little?
B: I dunno I think you’re just a playboy. I think you're having fun with the circumstances.

To which Roxy and Tony respond with talking about the weather. Yikes, poor Des... can't rile Sean up more than once, without it being a joke once.

Shit gets real awkward, so Sean leaves, and I wonder, how is Des only a bridal designer if she has 18 framed degrees on her dining room wall.

Des ponders her future with Sean and yells at her brother and then obviously cries.

ROSE CEREMONY

First Sean and Chris sit down for a discussion and basically he's sending Des or Catherine home because their families kept it too real for him.

Then, in the words of Chris B. Harrison, "In one of the most dramatic rose ceremonies, I think, ever on this show..." we watch Des interrupt the ceremony and apologize/plead for forgiveness.  Why is she whispering?  We know she's mic'ed up..

AshLee and Lindsay get their roses,  and then Sean does his best to drag the drama out by leaving the room, because he's really unsure that he wants a girl with goals aka Catherine. or a white rapper for a brother in law...  To which, Chris B. gives the best advice ever.  

Chris B Harrison:  My advice, get this right.  Take all the time you need.  This is important. 

Des does not get the rose, and tells Sean he made a mistake at least 1000 times, but she still goes home, but not without holding on for dear life.

Till the next Rose Ceremony

-Commish